


"I'm not having that!"

by graestu



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2020-07-19 13:28:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19974832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/graestu/pseuds/graestu
Summary: The Doctor is on trial on Gallifrey for interfering on Earth. There is plenty of evidence.





	"I'm not having that!"

The scene is a Gallifrey courtroom,  
The Charge : Interfering on Earth,  
"I'm not having that!" pleads The Doctor,  
The Verdict : Incredulous mirth.

EXHIBIT A  
"The Crown Jewels are safe," thought King Charlie,  
"They're locked up for the night in The Tower."  
He wasn't to know his Beefeaters ,  
Were such an incompetent shower.

"I'm not having that!" said The Doctor,  
As the TARDIS appeared by the Thames,  
K9 zapped the villainous Colonel,  
Who was running away with the gems.

"If only you'd warned me," said Charlie,  
"Of Colonel Blood's wicked intent,  
You'd've saved me a fortune on pensions,  
To hush up this far fetched event."

EXHIBIT B  
Two cannibals met in the jungle,  
Discussing whom they should eat next.  
"I'm not having that!" said The Doctor,  
Which left them both angry and vexed.

"You can't go around eating people,  
Like uncivilised ladies and men.  
Please think about what you are doing."  
Which they hadn't done up until then.

"It sort of makes sense," they conceded,  
Having chewed over what had been said.  
So they switched to a healthier option,  
And only eat dodos instead.

EXHIBIT C  
The crowd at the public unveiling,  
Demanded the council resign,  
For bringing such shame to their city,  
As they had approved the design.

"I'm not having that!" said The Doctor,  
Above all the booing and jeers,  
"The Vertical Tower of Pisa,  
Is one of my better ideas."

EXHIBIT D  
A cowboy was lost on the prairie,  
Where rattlesnakes hide in the grass.  
He sat on a rock feeling lonesome,  
And an arrow shot right up the pass.

"I'm not having that!" said The Doctor,  
To the Native American girl,  
Who shyly explained to the cowboy,  
As he gave his revolvers a twirl.

"The arrow I fired killed a rattler,  
Effectively saving your life."  
And riding off into the sunset,  
They ended up husband and wife.

EXHIBIT E  
Wordsworth went out for a wander,  
Wishing he'd stayed home in bed.  
"The 'ole place is covered wi' daisies!  
An' I 'ate ruddy daisies!" he said.

"I'm not having that!" said The Doctor,  
"And if you really think you are it,  
There's daffodils round the next corner,  
Try rhyming that you old git."

EXHIBIT F  
For decades since young Albert snuffed it,  
Victoria's sat on the throne,  
Devouring eponymous sponge cakes,  
She's upwards of 35 stone.

"I'm not having that!" said The Doctor,  
"You've been a recluse long enough,  
Your subjects still clearly adoria,  
Get out there; and meet them; and stuff."

So she went for a day trip to Blackpool,  
That's noted for fresh air and fun,  
But when she bent down on the seafront,  
Caused a total eclipse of the sun.

EXHIBIT G  
The TARDIS was in the Antarctic,  
When Amundsen conquered the Pole,  
But Scott and his team were all stranded,  
And narrowly missing their goal.

"I'm not having that!" said The Doctor,  
And knocked at the door of their hut.  
"Come in for some soup," said the Captain,  
While slamming the aperture shut.

"It's rather poor taste," said The Doctor,  
"Means the herbs are a bit past their prime."  
"Stop nagging," said Oates by the doorway,  
"I'm just nipping out for some thyme."


End file.
